i9 LAN party


The Gurkhas invade again !

Friday 16th November, the venue of Newbury race course was the scene of more LAN carnage with the largest contingent of Gurkhas and Gurkha wannabees ever seen inside a hall without any access to sheep or leather straps.


The Warriors

No need for a tour this time as it was done on the i8 section of the website, so go look there lazy people !

The Gurkhas contingent this time consisted of, me (Bug), Lord Fondlemaid, Doony, Deathtoall, Kick, Nerd, Werewolf, Yoshimo, Cheazy, Noodles, Badabing, Nick-Fury, Taine, Myshra and our lady friends Sick-Freak, Caz and Pellet :)


The Arrivals Lounge

As people slowly arrived and set up their kit it was clear to most that Noodles is insane and would now be attempting to use his finger mouse to play his games all weekend, we attempted to get him arrested but sadly being a fruit loop isn't against the law :/

Theres plenty of things i can do with my thumb ;)

The weekend was marred slightly by the hijacking of the front row by the international terrorist known only as "Osama Bin Noodles" who apparently was over here visiting family and took a wrong turning off the M3.

I want your clothes .. your boots .. and your motorcycle

Luckily the siege was ended when someone mentioned that Burger King were having a two for one offer :)

As the dust settled from this incident we couldn't help but notice that the worlds greatest cheater had started his machine of cheats and actually labeled his desktop just in case he forgot who he was at some point during the weekend :D


We were severely tempted to change it to "nonce" but he'd probably just cheat and make it auto swap back or infect us with some kind of cheat virus : /

As soon as all the computers were set up .... out came the food and the mess began to build up, by the end of the weekend Yoshi had befriended a small group of rats that were nesting in his case and regularly supplied by the amount of left overs around his computer and the things that cheazy would drop around the place on his travels. I don't think there has ever been a group of people more untidy and non-house trained as this lot :)

The pied Yoshi of Hamlin gathers his rat like minions


The Clans

The Gurkhas were split into three clans for the usual crack at the CS tournament, these were QRGR, CrimsonJihad and FondlesMaids. Crimson was headed up by Osama himself, after being taught the wrongs of international terrorism he was persuaded to join in the CS tourny and kill some infidels.

All three clans got cained quite spectacularly but we all had fun, and followed one of the proposed new rules for the clan ... if in doubt about tactics, just chuck HE grenades at Nerd :E

The tourny itself was much better run this time, still had a few problems but nothing that wasn't sorted out as quick as they could, QRGR more by luck than judgment made it through to the second stage and promptly got beaten about 4000-0 :E ... we did however manage to tk Nerd several times so overall we'd count this as a success :)

And finally...

Well a pretty piss poor video diary from me this time so only thing left is the pictures of the peons sat with us and the occasional visitor. A lot of these came with us to our traditional pizza hut clan outing, where doon recalled stories of sex in his car much to the amusement of all the people on the other side of restaurant who could hear every one of his dulcet welsh tones and descriptive language that would make a sailor blush. This was followed by possibly the scariest moment of the entire weekend when we were leaving through the car park Nerd decided to scream out in his best girlie voice AYO GURKHALI our tried and tested war cry, nothing wrong with that normally, except the fact that we were all taking normally when he just stepped back and let rip ... suffice to say he will not be allowed out of the institute again for a good few months ;)


Doon appears to have noticed that the source of dtalls cheating powers is infact his girlie pillow, whilst kick in the fore ground stairs aimlessly at his new donkey porn collection courtesy of Sci.


you ain't seen me .... right  ;)

Kickles tries to avoid eye contact as werewolf notices that kicks donkey porn collection is 2 gig more than his own.


urrrrr..... want to seee my puppies little boy .. uhhhh

Sadly some people use these i-events to push forward their own desire to attract small children into their sleeping bags, Yoshimo here is a well known deviant from north of the border but less well known to the i9 security, there are rumours that kick fell for his "i have sweeties" trick and was never the same after saturday night : /


daddy :*(

Nick-Fury looks forlorn as we explain to him that what Yoshi did to him was not the normal greeting for fellow celts despite the lies yosh was peddling. This sort of thing really needs to be stopped before many more lives are ruined.


i'm supppeeeer ! thanks for asking !

Simply known as "Soldier LF" this member of the world famous gay SAS dance troupe was in town for instructional courses in the world of dance and stripping weapons whilst maintaining a perfect pirouette.


left a bit ... mmmm

Sadly nick falls victim to another predator during the weekend, fondlemaid attempts to enlist nick into his dance troupe by using the "humming technique", he declined to comment on what this actually involved, but you can guess from the expression :)


yeah .. he tried it with me too, but i've seen that humming thing before and it's nothing to do with dancing !

Fondle is foiled in his attempts on a third member as Taine remembers not to take the blue pill ;)


yeah it tickles at first, but once he takes the elastic off it's great

Badabing discovers that there's much more interesting things to do at a LAN than just play games ;)


yeah .. the fuckers glued my arm to my neck .... i'd laugh about it but it stops me from breathing

Pellet bears the brunt of Cheazys practical joke as he wakes up with his arm glued to his neck, despite this handicap he still managed to play better than most of us, although rumours were flying that he was using dtalls elbow hack : /


yeah this roger bloke sounds cool, apparantly he's a real hard case

The look of glee on myshras face soon turned to anguish when he realised he'd misheard when yoshi said he was going to introduce his mate roger to him when he was asleep :D

dtall .. i am your father, we can cheat on the servers as father and son !

The king of all cheats, Munk, pays us a visit as deathtoall pours a scornful look at what was once his protégé but has now become the master .... only two lords of the cheat are there... fear leads to the dark side.


huh ?

Fondles explanation of the rules of "dance club" leaves Gazza stunned and wondering what the hell he'd just given fondle 50 quid for. Shady looks forward to the leather section of the routine ;)


The end..

Well that's it for another LAN, i10 is some time in march and will possibly feature an mpeg version of events and a slightly more detailed story of the weekend with the stills ... i couldn't be arsed this time hence the lack of interesting photos :D

The final picture sums up the weekend, deathtoalls cheating finally catches up with his machine as it spills itself onto the table ... unable to take any more cheating it made a nice coaster for the rest of us :)

FFS CHAET !!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111

And so ended i9, a jolly time was had by all and hopefully even more of our gurkha mob and friends will be joining us at i10 :)

I'm your host ...