i17 LAN party
Science gone bad
It was late august, the government program of feeding pellets made of chicken manure to humans had gone horribly wrong. The first warning signs of the degradation of the human body had been ignored, the scientists thought they new best, they continued to strive for a stable mixture so that people could eat at McDonalds without dieing. The science was madness but they kept on pushing the boundaries, until one day, the humans escaped, this is their story.
Purest Larn win.
Well well well, I promised the police i wouldn't write another one of these webpages as there's only so many poor jokes you can make about people sitting at computers for a weekend, but due to popular demand (ok 2 people) they make a return. We have attended the larns between i14 and i17, but there is no record of those, and it's best it stays that way because the lawyers say it's best to wait until the dust has settled before selling our story.
Yet another weekend of larn, with the usual suspects in attendance and some extra new people in the form of Red7, BadgersNadgers, TheWise and Clarkey who were all given a baptism of fire (no really, we douced them in petrol for a laugh, seemed funny at the time anyway) to the world of I-series Larn.
**hold your mouse over the photo for extra info**
The first problem we encountered was that Larn is becoming more mainstream so the likes of us aren't too welcome anymore, the security on the door endeavoured to keep us at bay.
Mazz and Red cover the doors
We managed to get past them by telling mazz there was a jellied eels van round the back and by telling red there were naked men playing on the golf course. Of course, the security was there for a reason, and the fact that we got in was great, but sadly by distracting the security for even a few moments, some other unsavoury characters managed to infiltrate the larn.
Paedo gang members
These two degenerates by the Paedo alias of "BadgerNadgers" and "Nutsy" have been wanted by Auckland police in connection with an attack on a My Little Pony factory, they were attempted to mould the faces of each horse into their own image so that they could lure away small children more easily.
In addition to this, the gangsta known as Notorius B.I.G.D slipped through the net and the famous evil doctor Red7 (twin brother of the security guard, yes, yes, i know.. but piss off, who's telling this story, me or you ? right then.)
By far the sickest and most dangerous degenerate to slip through the security net was this man, Lungboy. Wanted since 1982 for crimes against decency he arrived at the event with a portable hard drive and a cd containing what he described as "fisting". Luckily the police were aware of his movements and he was arrested before he infected too many people with extreme perversion.
Well it's a summer, so it's only right that we cause mahem for the local fire brigade by trying to have a BBQ, remember kids, geeks and flames don't mix.
Before we had a disposable BBQ, but this time nerd and wolf brought along a portable burning machine straight from the pit of Hades itself. At first we were reluctant to let them light it up as earlier in the day we caught wolf sleeping and using the dream-at-o-tron™ we were able to generate an image of his dreams.
Wolf sleeping peacefully
dream-at-o-tron™ image of what he was dreaming of, burning catholics in his BBQ :/
Nerd assured us that he hadn't burnt any catholics for years though and was officially "on the wagon", sceptically we took his word for it and prepared for the BBQ.
The BBQ of win, people flock from afar to taste our special meat.
The BBQ gets off to a good start with everyone having a nice time until someone asks wolf where these lovely burgers came from, in his fire deleriated state he let out the truth that they were infact local kittens he'd managed to pick up on the thursday night and keep in his cool box :/
Noodles looks out forlornly hoping for death as TheWise prepares to spew into his cup. Nerd, accustomed to kitten meat at home, prepares the sauce.
Once we'd put wolf into his own BBQ we remembered that it was Nutsy's 21st birthday so we got him an appropriate hand bag cake with lipstick and a necklace, his joy was unbridled and was made all the better when we told him that his present was for a night with noodles in his tent.
Noodles prepares to take one for the team.
Even nerd whinces and looks away in disgust as noodles takes one for the team, over and over and over again, TheWise asks if anyone else can take one for the team though ;)
Nerd reluctantly takes his turn but dtall hangs onto the bench and refuses to take anything for the team, birthday or not.
End of larn
So, another larn comes to an end with most of us physically and mentally exhausted, the only thing that remained was the obligiatory clan photo on the stands.
Some of us spot a nearby pigeon but nerd goes too far and simulates what he would do if that pigeon landed, quite why the police keep letting him go we'll never know :/
Another weekend of living the dream comes to an end, and my only excuse for yet another poor website is that they made me do it :)