i12 LAN party


Xtended weekend

Another day, another larn(tm). Friday 9th to Monday 12th of August saw the focus of win energy once more descend like a dark cloud of perversion upon Newbury race course as the mighty peens of QRGR prepared for Xtreme larning.

(hold your mouse over the images)

List of Larners

To add to our usual suspects from the clan we also had some friends and fellow clan larners to sit with us, bringing us to a grand total of 32 QRGRlettes, who in no particular order were:

Bugstomper, Noodles, Fondle, Nerd, Wolf, Cheaz, Kick, Yoshimo, Goten, Dtall, Boogie, Jonny5, Doon, Slash, Mazza, Minty, Gazza, Shady, Izzanbaad, Sci, Kickarse, Swank, Re3f, Inertiaman, Hippychick, Ned, Nutsy, Intron, Weedkiller, Supastar, NWA, Terroristteddy, Jimbo, Spherical, Lewis, Danneh and Acidduck.

Venue Change

Despite the best whinging and whining ever achieved on a forum, the MPUK people that run the i-series events decided to use a different stand at the race course this time instead of the glorious Berkshire stand of the past. This didn't get the weekend off to a great start as we mourned the loss of the greatest stand in the history of great stands, that was, until we saw this !

Xtreme Larnage center, all peens welcome
The sight of a big X on the side of the building bode well for the weekend, if the building was Xtreme then surely the event would be too ?

A quick tour of the building, the ground floor was where all the gamers were, gross indecency and much shouting was to be had here:

we need to get 37.4% more win out of this machine some how !
A hall full of people living the dream

sleeping bag + drunks = lose
First floor had a bar and a chill out area, but a lot of people decided to set their sleeping equipment up here and promptly got it covered in beer and sick .. nice :)

I have discovered the secret formula !
The top floor was out of bounds for this event, i managed to take out the security guard with a can of mace, luckily there were no bengal tigers up there or it may have been a different story :/

Early Arrival

For those winnermen in the clan, 4 days of larn is not enough, a good few of us therefore decided to opt for the early arrival service that meant we could arrive on the thursday night and setup our tents and stuff before the crowds arrived.

This gave us first dibs on all the best camping spots, and also meant we could pester Wizzo all night about our seats :)

Upon arrival Wizzo, the man that owns MPUK, insisted it was his right to give each of us a full body cavity search incase we were sneaking some philipinos into the event instead of using the ones supplied.

mmmm full of creamy goodness
The smug look was soon wiped off his face when he met his match as cheif pervert Fondlemaid turned up and insisted it was his right to search back.

i knew i'd regret it afterwards but i just couldn't help myself
Once he finally finished showing Wizzo what a real cavity search was fondle was in a bit of pain and had to opt for the extra cushioning effect of a second chair.

As the night went on more and more early larners arrived for a weekend of uncut win:

to larn: (m) to play larns, to be a winner, to enjoy the company of other larners

As more people arrived we thought it best to go put up our tents before we'd be forced to kill someones puppies to get a decent space, project QRGR:camp was a go !


Much like the fabled band camp, QRGR camp has passed into urban legend as being a place were larners go to win. Whilst many stories emerged from i11 about the fact that a lot of young people seem to go in to QRGR camp but no one ever leaves, this is untrue as this photo shows young people going about their business with no fear:

Yosh looks slightly forlorn as he escapes noodles tent, goten looks back in fear of when the mighty beast of win will emerge.

It was later discovered that the safest place to take photos was from the stands

The camp site and collection of cars visible from safe distance, there were calls all weekend for the site to be nuked from orbit but as wizzo was enjoying his morning visits he vetoed this request.

Some of the other campers at the event took the girly approach and camped under an even bigger tent, clearly these people were injected with lose before they entered the grounds, they are beyond help at this stage :(

HI ! we all suckle from the god of lose and camp like girly men
Girly men, plain and simple :)

Sadly, QRGR camp was shut down by a police raid on the monday morning, after details emerged that the most wanted sicko in the world, Nerd, was rumoured to be using the camp as a staging ground for his evil ways,

come and sit with uncle nerd, i have something to show you ;)
The streets are slightly safer now as nerd was finally captured by the police.


The brave warriors of Zeon

The following photos have been handed over to the FBI for investigation, please avoid these people at all costs, they are armed with win and highly dangerous.

i like to sand paper my own testes for that extra smooth finish
Name: Yoshimo
Wanted for: crimes against humanity, being scottish

wanna buy some win ? uncut mate, only the pure stuff, lovely
Name: Kick
Wanted for: Attempting to deal win to school kids.

Name: Boogie
Wanted for: Using his LEGEND status to felch other clan members.

These are not the aimbots you're looking for ....
Name: Jonny5
Wanted for: Turning legends like boogie to the dark side of the win

As well as these jokers we had some other new people to the QRGR way of larning, perves and rogues every last one of them, but still yet to reach the kind of Xtreme perversion of the more full time Gurkhas :)

you will all die by my hands .. muhahahahahaa...
Shady continues with her game in the hope that Lewis' will dissappear if she doesn't say his name in the mirror three times, spherical in the background just wants to kill people.

The look of shock on BigD's face soon turned to horror as he realised his name was next on the list for the "Fondlemaid Double Chair Leg Challange"

It all proved too much for minty to watch as he passed out half way through the insertion of the second chair leg, it took a pile of nerds socks to wake him again :)

NWA and Teddy try in vain to block out the screams coming from our row, danneh just wants his mum :(

yeah yeah ! you go girl !
Never one to miss a good probing, Dizzmatt comes in for a closer look

When that gets out into the channel it will be a danger to shipping !
Slash looks pleased as he releases another log into the channel.

Intron trys to make his escape as Nerd shouts out the rules for the "Jaffa cake game"

i'll tell my mum ! :*(
Dtall decides to try and hide in his sleeping bag, unfortunatly nerd got in there before him, his innocence was gone forever :(

Izzanbaad had the best idea of hiding amongst the crowd, although even nerd ran in fear when izz produced "the spoon", this persuaded nerd to head for berts bin instead as izz had wheeled him down to newbury for just such a diversion.

scratch scratch
All attempts to enter berts bins were met with fierce clawing attacks, after his rescue in Lord of the Bins bert has been reluctant to leave his home.


Xtreme BBQ

As our usual trips to pizza hut tend to degenerate into doon telling us his sex stories as loud as he can till everyone else in the restaraunt leaves out of disgust, we decided to have a BBQ near our tents.

This was a sound enough plan to begin with, the disposable BBQ from sainsburys cooking the food, and the wooden picnic table, a treat. Being welsh, doon knew all about touching animal meat, so he was the designated food burner for the evening, a roll he relished.

don't worry, if it doesn't cook fast enough i'll go syphon some petrol from me car !
As the old saying goes, give a man a fish he can feed his family for a day, give a man a BBQ and he can give food poisoning to at least 20 of his clan mates :D

Xtreme BBQ
As with most things QRGR related, it wouldn't be right if it all went to plan. Gazza screams in terror as doon ponders the use of petrol to give everything that char grilled texture, Noodles sits with quiet resignation of the death and carnage that will ensue.

no no .. watch me .. i'm a professional, i've done this loads of times !
The festivities continued as fondle discovered a slide nearby and decided to show us exactly why these things are meant for kids and not drunk salesmen :)


Random Pictures

I realise you're probably thinking, if this section needs a title of random pictures, WTF were the others ??? ... you'd be right in asking that question, but look at this website, do i really come across to you as someone that has a clue ?

In an attempt to reduce glare he used a towel, in order to reduce heat he used a water cooling box on the side of the computer, in order to reduce win, he did these whilst we had a camera nearby :)

Those of you that have seen our other i-series pages will know all about werewolfs computer of pure death and destruction, the fans on his normal tower have racked up over 570 confirmed kills over 4 events, with 1378 injuries. Because MPUK were losing business from wolf killing off most of the punters they have banned him bringing his uber tower for this event just so they can restock on fresh blood, the black tower is a sign of mourning out of respect for the dead.

The beginings of a coke can tower emerge infront of us, this was just before fondle spoilt it all by thinking up the coke can challange ... the results were too horrific to photograph.

This was all that remained, this would have gone too but fondle eventually passed out on the 83rd can :(

This piece of artwork was simply titled "Abandoned".


End of Larn

And now we come to the end of our broadcast, a weekends worth of porn jokes, calling dtall a cheat and intron a ginger homo took its toll on all of us, larnage had to end at some point and the packing up began soon after the raffle ended.

give the man some room !
Large crowds gather as Fondle shows how easy it is to insert both chair legs.

Yosh confirms the number of chair legs used, but seems unimpressed having seen nerd do the same trick with a small belgian boy earlier that morning.

help me ... help me
Kick asks nerd what that voice is coming from behind him

So larn was over for another weekend, the glorious Queens Own Royal Gurkha Rifles would have to wait till november for i14 before more larning could commence,

Just remember, if you see any of these perverts on the street, DO NOT approach them, they will feel up anything at a moments notice and can not be trusted to look after your children or your pets..

see you at i14, live from HMP Broadmoor


P.S As an extra treat, i've photoed this evidence of the one and only time our clan will ever win anything :)

WINNERMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111