i10 LAN Party
"Living the dream: The QRGR story"
The dream begins
There comes a time in every clans life when they have to strike out on their own and start living that dream, Friday 29th March was that time for the Gurkhas.
Having been moved from our usual spot at the front of the concourse to make way for the abomination that was the X-Box display, we were given our own room on the same floor, this room became the home for 26 Gurkhas for 4 days, some honourary but most pure bred, in no particular order, these peons were:
Bugstomper, Nerdy, Kick, Deathtoall, Lord Fondlemaid, Doony, Yoshimo, Myshra, Dingle, Noodles, Cheazy, Boogie, Goten, Werewolf, InsaneRJ, Slash.n.Burn, Phat Pete, SickFreak, Leady, Nutsy, Ned, Clivedunn, Homer-Simpson, Mazzahoo, Inertiaman, Hippychick.
Some mugshots that will be used as evidence in the upcoming court cases for "touching peens without a license":
Boogie recalls the story of when he met Fondle
Goten finds Dtalls porn CD and gets stuck in
Nutsy gets a little bit too much into his role as Bad Guy #3 in the Lord of the Bins film
Dingle finally owns up to being the one that left a spike on Nutsys chair, the others look away in disgust
CliveDunn rivals Fondle for the pervert of the year award
Being new to the i-series events Slash was one of the first to fall for Nerds "I really am a qualified dentist" trick
Mazzahoo also fell for Nerds "stick this in your mouth, it's full of protein" trick
Leady cracks a rare smile for the weekend, we fear this was enforced by the rod Fondle is inserting just out of shot :)
Like a rabbit in the headlights, InsaneRJ is about to receive the full force of a Fondlemaid perve attack
Inertiaman looks on in terror as InsaneRJ gets dragged to the floor for Fondlemaids initiation ceremony
Having our own little room seemed like a good idea at the time, the BBC were there filming a documentary about LAN gaming and I suspect the MPUK staff thought it best to shift all the perves and rogues into one room so as not to give LAN gaming a bad name. On the surface this sounded like a good plan, but unfortunately so much concentrated perversion led to widespread molestation of random passers by. A sign was setup calling people in to be felt up, the going rate was 50p but extras were available for 75p ;)
The QRGR porn emporium, as the weekend went on more and more people were attracted by our sign, the next time we're in here we'll have a much larger neon sign ;)
The filthy X-Box area that took our normal seating spaces, quite possibly the noisiest creation in history, it took a lot of effort for the 27 of us to make more noise than this abomination, but by the end of the weekend we had conquered it !
Setting up all the computers in our newly acquired room, Dtall installing his cheats ready for the 4 days of gaming that lay ahead.
Dtall sits back and has a drink whilst his OGC takes him to the top of the scoreboard even when AFK
The prop collection for the Lord of the Bins film rapidly expanded as more of the Gurkhas arrived and brought with them their most precious family heirlooms of ancient weaponry :)
For the first time visitors, Noodles set up a tour round the building, Homer looks concerned as Noodles goes on to explain that theres only one way down from this roof .. and it's going to hurt
As the surviving tour members continue round, Noodles points out that the bar can only be accessed from above
Noodles compiles a letter to the families of all those killed in the "bar diving incident"
Doon poses for the camera as the only survivor of the bar diving incident, Dtall thinks up a new plan to kill him
The instant doons computer was setup, out came the dirty videos.. the bloke is a walking porn magnet
The Night Time sessions
These events are called the insomnia series for a reason, the gaming goes on all day and night but at some point most of us had to sleep, the majority of us stayed at the event and just kipped on the floor, our room was like an oven until one of the security guys found a key for the door to the outside, this little room leading to the outside gave a nice dark sleeping area even if all we could hear all night long was the F***$%^"£$"£$^"!!¬£%£$%^*&*$£££%%Eg X-Box :) .. they're just lucky we couldn't find a hammer :)
Once all the tours were over people got first dibs on any of the floor space in our room that wasn't occupied, sleeping on the floor for 3 nights isn't the best thing in the world but you have to grab your space early :)
Some people just carried on playing all through the night, more than likely because the X-Box was so loud they couldn't actually sleep anyway :)
Though the X-Box was too loud, once Doon went in there and dropped one of his toxic bombs the concourse soon cleared in seconds as everyone ran for their lives... doons bowels now have a public safety warning attached to them.
The following is an array of sleeping Gurkhas, even though they are sleeping they are still highly trained killing machines.... sort of :D
Yoshimo, the Celtic tiger
Nutsy dreams of his night of passion with Kick
Dtall cheats even at sleeping, like someone AFK with OGC, he still manages to lock onto targets as they walk by
The hectic schedule of filming Lord of the Bins starts to take it's toll on Noodles
Wolf dreams of what else he can add to his case in order to maim passers by, the 18 foot turbo fans on his
case claimed 173 victims over the 4 days, with 27 confirmed kills.
QRGR take camping in CS to the ultimate level
Slash takes the ultimate gamble by sleeping near Fondlemaid
Fondle collapses drunk on the floor, hoping for a slight rest before his reign of
perversion continues for another day.
Unfortunately for Fondle, the FSA trio of Kickarse, Swank and Sci turn up for their art master class lesson
FSA's master piece, simply entitled "i10 Hobo"
As night settles in you could hear a pin drop .... well you could have if this lot didn't snore like a herd of
elephants and that F&%^$%&^$£"!"£$$£%**(&$g X-Box thing wasn't on all night (anyone spotting a
slight grievance with something yet :) )
QRGR had 3 teams again in the CS tourney, and also a DoD team, we had enough for 3 teams in that too
but sadly there wasn't enough other clans to make up a proper figure so we had to settle for one out of
eight clans in it, on the plus side we finished second in the tourney :D
The tourneys all start early on the saturday morning and trying to get the chimps out of bed in time is a struggle, the trips to mcdonalds and sainsburys for breakfasts take their toll on the clan numbers.
We drew our first CS match and then the second match was against our Gurkha brothers in the Fondlemaids, it was a grudge match of earth shattering proportions, Fondlemaid himself was playing for QRGR so was split between us and killing his name sakes but the glory of Zeon was with us as we beat them to get into the final 8 .. where we lost most unceremoniously to vp :*(
Dtall laughs as he leaves his bots on and wins us the first two CS tourney games without even sitting at his PC
He then turns white as a sheet as he discovers his cheats aren't on the same level
as vp's in the knockout stage
Kick looks over at Fondles computer, concerned as to why all his CT and T models are in gimp suits
Kick looks smug as he finds out the glue he put on Nerds jeans has finally paid off
After all the tourneys we were in had finished, it was down to finding some other games to play, Jedi Knight 2 and Star Trek Bridge Commander proved to be the most popular, with Admiral Fondlemaid leading his fleet with the warning that anyone that failed would have to meet him in the admirals chambers, the highlight of the game however was Dtall cheating his way to victory in his shuttle craft over Doon in a Bird of Prey..why does that never happen in the TV series :D
After failing to defend the admiral, Kick was taken out to the back room with Fondle.
Myshra looks light headed after a session in the admirals room, Cheaz looks on in anger as he got 10 mins less
Dtall is caught deliberatly trying to play bad so he can visit the admirals room
Dtall finally gets his wish and is called to the admirals room
We played loads of other games whilst we were there, Operation flashpoint with a tank war and a helicopter war, the highlight being Myshra being shot down by his own team and Dtall ejecting whilst I was still in the chopper without telling me .. kept wondering why the floor was getting closer :D
CliveDunn gets bored of caining Doon and Slash at EA Rugby
As well as the gaming there is the general "900+ blokes in a building with alcohol" side-shows that produce entertainment for the masses. Our main entertainment for the weekend was helping Noodles make his Lord of the Bins film, which will be coming to a cinema near you soon and will be detailed elsewhere, but suffice to say we ran around with plastic guns making tits of ourselves all weekend under the thinly veiled excuse that we were making a film :D
As it was April fools day the staff decided to announce that there was about to be a power surge so people had to turn their computers off straight away ... loads of people fell for this and there is a film of it on the MPUK site :)
Loads of people sat at their computers but most of them turned off ? .... suckers ! :D
The other entertainment was provided at a local pub we all went to on the saturday night, Fondlemaid in his drunken state decided to challenge everyone to the "Fondlemaid stuntman tequila challenge" which involved snorting a line of salt, downing a tequila and then rubbing a lemon slice into your eye ..... don't try this at home kids :)
Seeing the honour of Celtic people everywhere being challenge, Doon and Slash joined in, then Fondle went for the double, two lines of salt, two tequilas and two lemons.. closely followed by Doon and Slash. Having been suitably blinded the three of them finally called it even but not before Yoshimo, Cheazy and Nutsy had had a go aswell .. kids eh :)
The Fondlemaid Stuntman Tequila Challenge(tm) in full flow (Picture from Inertiaman)
Myshra tries to drum up support for the Myshra Stuntman Vodka Challenge
Not wanting to be out done by Noodles film, Yoshimo set about making "The Yosh Witch Project"
After finally admitting defeat that his film wouldn't be as good as Noodles', he retired to bed, in his suitcase
However, once Fondle saw that Yosh was trying to sleep inside his suitcase, he got an idea.. the following pictures may provide a harrowing insight into what happens ..... When Drunks Attack
The initial attempts go slightly wrong so Doon is called in to squeeze Fondle into the case
Having decided that cutting his head off wasn't a viable option we undid the suitcase and searched for a smaller passanger
Another chap called Joe that was sitting in our room became an honourary Gurkha for a few minutes as he took up the Yoshimo Suitcase Challange(tm) with aplomb
Joy turned to fear as Yoshimo announced the Super Suitcase Challange meant that he was getting in there with him
The weekend comes to an end
Well with four days of intense drinking, chatting and gaming over and done with the only thing that remained was to make pointless stuffed toy porn
Nutsy and Kick look on as Fondle loads up the full mpeg of the chimp on devil on chiump action :D
And then there was the final group photos
I'd point everyone out but it's basically just a baying mob of drunkards and perverts :)
Not wanting to step backwards from danger, Noodles launches the QRGR Flameboy Challange(tm)
Well thats the end of the i10 QRGR story, you've been a wonderful audience as ever and I hope to see you again for more pointless challanges and endless porn and cheat jokes next time :)
I'm your host,
LIVE THE DREAM !!!11